I am getting around to seeing this cup half full again.
On Wednesday afternoon after naps, I took the kids for a walk. I brought a pack of Little Yums for both Isaiah and Samarah. Because….snacks. Always a meltdown if snacks do not accompany us.
Each pack contains three crackers. As Samarah held the second one in her hand, she said, “Mama, give me my last one.” (Yeah, we are working on her manners. “How about a please, Samarah?!”)
I replied, “Samrah, focus on the full cracker you still have in your hand. Enjoy it! Don’t’ think about the next one until that cracker is gone.”
I went silent when I realized that what I was attempting to teach my three-year-old was something I still have not learned to master after almost 34 years.
Cup Half Full
I promised via Change We Resist last week that I’d be back today to tell you about what I’m doing and the intentions I’ve placed.
I’m breaking this promise, kind of, which is something I rarely do. (I’m not telling you everything I’m doing nor am I stating all intentions.)
This weekend was a struggle. I was so tired I could barely function. I fell asleep during church when church is one of my favorite hours of the week. Then, we got home, I ate, and fell asleep from 11-3pm. I was cold, so I had a ton of blankets. By the time I woke up, the sweat had broken, and Ryan, Ceci, the babies and I all went for a nice, long walk. Which was really lovely. Nothing like fresh air to help fill that cup up!
But I did something yesterday that I have been resisting to the nth degree for so long. I “quit” coffee.
I “quit” coffee.
I wrote a post in 2015 about How I Quit Caffeine, but like most addictive habits, it crept back into my life. These past couple months I have probably had no less than 5 cups a day, usually mixed in with some sort of latte as well.
Do you even know how awful that is for someone with already tanked Cortisol levels, and how it plays into anxiety?
I woke up this morning, after ample sleep yesterday and I am once again seeing my cup half full.
I know you’re sitting there thinking, “But why no coffee?” For me, it’s twofold:
- I am way too addicted to it. And thank God I can finally admit that.
- Health. I have low T3 and low Cortisol. I am currently doing many tests to figure out if I have adrenal insufficiency, and if so, is it Primary or Secondary failure. Regardless, low T3 and low Cortisol warrant caffeine be gone.
Caffeine has been a change I have resisted, but all along then, my problems have persisted. (I’m not blaming coffee entirely, obviously.)
One cup of coffee contains 95mg of caffeine.
Yesterday, I cut cold turkey. I had to, but my general protocol for moving forward is that I can have exactly one-half cup per day (or about 50mg). This is because I also believe in reducing stress as much as possible, and completely taking away one morning ritual I love does not fully help me right now.
Focus on the Cracker
I have a 6-month plan of various things to work on so I can heal the lingering hormonal issues.
My list is huge, and on it, I even have the Vision Board I want to create to coincide with it (ahem – Jen, you wanna make that Vision Board with me now?!).
But like Samarah, I simply need to focus on the cracker currently in my hand vs. the cracker I’m hoping to get to 6 months down the line.
For today, journaling (not Gut Healing Bullet Journal but instead one mixed with gratitude journaling!), bone broth, the Bible, a long walk, light work, my babies, and yes, just one-half cup of coffee (the other half filled with Aroy-D Coconut Milk).
p.s. I’d love to share with you my entire list of “things” for these next 6 months. I’ll put it together, and post it sometime! I think you would enjoy it.
p.s.s. What do you NEED to do today that you have been resisting?