I need to tell you that it’s okay to unbutton those pants.
On my worst days, waking up was never the problem.
I could (usually) easily put on suit slacks, jeans or yoga pants.
By lunch, the demons began pushing against my lower belly, making even subtle movements difficult.
I might sweat. I may have anxiety. I could possibly be crying internally or even externally. In fact, oftentimes at lunch, I’d find myself in bathroom stalls, doubled over in pain while crying and even sometimes just sitting there asking, “Why me?!”
But I never unbuttoned my pants. I had too much pride.
Unbutton Those Pants
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Once everything would finally move through me and I could breathe again, only then would I unbutton. It was as if I punished myself for things that, at the time, I really had no control over since I had no idea what was wrong or how to help myself.
In those moments I’d find relief, at last.
Looking back, I wish I wouldn’t have been so stubborn.
I wish I had just unbuttoned those pants.
More than that, I wish I had simply just started being nicer to myself. Letting go of things I couldn’t control, then working to change the things I could.
Go ahead. Unbutton those pants.
But in the process, make the changes that will warrant never having to unbutton them again.
p.s Want more? An updated post via ‘The Emotional Side of Illness.’
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