I’m Typically Not a Druggie

I’m typically not a druggie, but as of yesterday I’m on the train. It’s not what you think, but it’s also not what I want to embrace.

I have to first say THANK YOU to all of you who sent me private messages regarding Baby Hoffman. You already know I was not expecting sympathy or anything else, but what was most heartfelt to me were your own stories. It’s why I am constantly reminded that everybody’s got a story. And why, furthermore, this is indeed okay to talk about.

Okay, back to the drugs. I am a huge advocate against drugs. If you know my story, you know that I am the way I am today with food as a healing mechanism because I refused to take drugs the rest of my life. I believe that we heal from life influences outside of food, but that food capitalizes on that – keeps us healing and well. I also believe that because drugs are man made, they are not always the answer. But like everything else in life, if the straight and narrow path to get from point A to B was always the easiest and most effective, we’d without-a-doubt take it. Life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes we have to zig-zag to get back on the straight and narrow.

I am on my zig-zag.


I’m not proud of it. I’m not excited for it. But I am staying 100% positive about it. I have to.

Yesterday I started a cycle of drugs in hopes of our Baby Hoffman. The next couple of weeks will be all but thrilling between drugs, shots and appointments. That’s as much as I need to say on here. I think we can all catch the drift.

But what I cannot control with drugs, I can control some with diet, exercise and lifestyle. I didn’t say it was easy, but I believe could be helpful. Let me explain.

Several months back I downloaded, Making Babies on my iPad2. I highly recommend it for anyone trying to conceive.

The book helps you categorize yourself into one of the following categories: Tired, Dry, Stuck or Pale. I identified very clearly that I am in the “tired” category. Based on that, I have been trying to follow as many of the “tired remedies” for getting pregnant as possible.

I’m in line already with most of the food recommendations. They say to cut a few things that I currently eat, but each of those I do in moderation so I’m definitely not going to stress about it.

I’m far off the exercise recommendations. They say for the “tired type” you should only be doing thirty minutes three times a week, and absolutely nothing heavy during phase 1 and 4 of the cycle. I about died when I saw that. THIS is probably the biggest thing I need to mentally work on and ultimately heed the advice.

The lifestyle recommendations are going to be hard for me as well. She says things such as: don’t overdo work, limit stress, take warm baths, sleep, make space in your life for fun and laughter and protect your back. I absolutely MUST obey this because they are all too often overlooked.

I have spent the past 28 (almost 29!) years in full control. And when I say control, I truly mean it. Take for instance food and fitness alone. This past weekend I spent a lot of time cleaning and reorganizing. In the process, I found this:

Food and Fitness Journals

On top is my latest fitbook that my mom got me for Christmas (it was on my Christmas Wish List). On the bottom is a huge, red binder filled with a year’s worth of food and fitness tracking. And that’s just the beginning. I have books and binders galore saved up from the years (someday I plan to reveal them all -> the craziness that awaits!)

I started using my new fitbook last week. That was until Friday when I learned of this process; the time, energy and money involved. I am putting that book and all books related to food and fitness tracking away until Baby Hoffman is a reality. Where they once served as progress sheets and goal-reaching tracking have now become a material which feeds the addiction keeping me from what I truly want.

I am focusing on the things I can do to increase the odds.

I am not focusing on the negatives associated with the drugs…I understand this is just a zig-zag time period.

And above all, I’m taking this time for me….and praying to God daily.

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  1. says

    Sarah, I’m so proud of you! As a fellow control freak, I know how hard it is to LET GO. It’s hard to relinquish the details . . . but you’re so wise to SEE that you need to let some things go!! I will be praying for you — hard — as you go through this journey! Let me know if you need anything, including more prayers or an ear to listen!