I’ve struggled with bringing or not bringing Baby Hoffman to my blog. In the end, after many almost pushes on the “publish” button, I’ve decided it is okay. It’s all a part of not making any excuses for who I am in 2012.
I mentioned very briefly on Saturday that Baby Hoffman was what I wanted most in 2011. Of all the blessings that came my way (most notably this), it was the one thing still not in our cards for the year. I watched all year long as friends, family and general acquaintances posted pictures of their newborns and happy “announcement” status updates of their 9-month-out joys to come. (And you should know that each time these events happened I was truly, genuinely excited for each and every single person.)
I admit that my heart always broke, many tears fell and constant questions within screamed, “why not me?” This yielded a viscous cycle that I’ve in engaged in for well over a year.
If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you will recall many posts where I’ve done things like gone off the running circuit, taking it easy from racing and simply enduring a hiatus from workouts altogether. I told the truth when I said it was for medical reasons. But the whole truth is that my doctors have said those are all a part of the things I must cool it on for Baby Hoffman.
I would listen to what they said, but then nothing happened. I’m impatient by nature so after awhile I would revert to my workout-obsessed, training-fanatical ways. And with that also, I would work, work, work to distract my mind from baby things. With all of those goals and ambitions came that rush of motivation I talked about on Saturday. And with that rush of motivation, it was nearly impossible to remember the one thing that was truly important to me for 2011.
I didn’t choose to write this for any kind of sympathy. The truth is that there are millions of women sitting exactly where I am somewhere in the world at this very moment, millions of others who have been here before and still millions who will be here years from now.
I chose to write this because I don’t want to appear phony or false or even manic for that matter when it comes to my fitness and workout goals, what I’m doing for races in 2012 and/or other competitions that I will not be entering in 2012.
I chose to write this because I’m fairly certain that someone else out there will read this and feel like they have a place to relate.
I chose to write this because they always say that if gluten is a problem for you, there is a good chance that when you stop eating it, you conceive quickly. This is not always true (but gluten will indeed always stay out of my diet).
I chose to write this because I’m living proof that you can be healthy as healthy can be, but sometimes what seems like a normal “stress” for your body to handle and carry isn’t so easy.
I chose to write this for me because it’s all a part of my life.
My #2 wish is to do this right for me finally in 2012. “Right” meaning that I’ll truly listen to my doctors, not have a manic workout schedule and keep my #DailyJoy close by – remembering it and carrying the positive attitude that goes along with it each day.
My #1 wish is to gain baby weight, crave gluten-free cupcakes, create a Baby Hoffman board on Pinterest and welcome the little one to the world.
Source: flickr.com via Sarah on Pinterest
I relate. More than you know. So thank you…
Thanks, Katy. I’m confident this is the year…:)
You know how much I relate to this as well. It is a continuous struggle in my life, and I admire your courage to admit the mistakes you have made while committing to make the necessary changes. I will be rooting for you both…
Thank you so much, Marci! Stepping back will not be easy for me. But when 2 goals coincide, the goal we strive for most must take the driver’s seat.
Praying that it is so! HUGS.
Hey girl…I honor your transparency and yes can relate as it took me over 3 years and I know for some this is not long but for me it seemed forever…it’s not easy, the suggestions from family & friends as they would tell me just forget about it, it will happen as soon as you let it go! (sigh easier said then done) I am sending you some supportive vibes & trust that everything will come together as to what your destiny is
hugs! (note: those videos you did WOW you are awesome)
Thank you so much, Manon! You know you’re my #1 Canadian:)
Thanks for sharing. For pouring out the deepest desires of your heart. You are right you are not alone in this struggle. God is using you Sarah in powerful ways.
I look forward to seeing you super soon.
Renee
Thank you, Renee!
“She believed she could so she did”. These words spoke to me when I saw them posted on your FB page the other day. I felt after 3 1/2 years of weight gain, shots, tears. money and travel that I had finally done what I fought to do. You are determined and dedicated at everything you do. Baby Hoffman will be a reality, i have no doubt. The night Danny and I cried to Jason Aldeens “Laughed until we cried” I caught your gaze. You were so sad for our struggle and I am truly sad for yours. But Sarah Hoffman believes that she can so she will. Just remember that you have to be patient for your body to respond to the changes you make. Sacrifice and hard work are no stranger to you and the goal has never been more important. We are all waiting at the finish line for you.
I cried, Shondra….thank you. So much.
PS- totally willing to stand on the sidelines and hand u water when u need it too. Whatever u need whenever u need it, I am here. But you are a woman that runs at her own pace so let me know when u need me.
I wrote this whole response a few days ago and then my computer shut off right before I hit the send button. Anyway, this is one of my favorite posts you’ve done. So honest and brave and I really appreciate you sharing. I think matters of the heart (and family) are always scary to share but I’m sure with following the advice of your doctor and setting your intentions the way you planned will help. I worked with this amazing energy healer when I was pregnant with my first because my husband was unemployed and I was dancing on an elimination TV show and was beyond stressed out and dancing 8 hours a day and really concerned about losing the baby. She really helped me get through it and I know she works with conception stuff too. Anyway, call me sometime and I’ll give you details if you are interested in that sort of thing. xo
Hi Hilary! Thank you so much for the sincere comment. I think there are many more personal posts that could come out of this one topic for me. It’s been a long time coming, as I mentioned. And now it’s getting even more detailed and harder. Thanks again – and obviously, congrats to you:)