I picked Sam up from daycare a couple weeks ago, excited like I always am to see her precious face.
That excitement was quickly put on hold when Sam waddled around, not wanting anything to do with me, only wanting our daycare girl to hold her and then screaming as I carried her on out.
Like a stab in the chest, my heart hurt so badly.
Ryan was doing yard work when I pulled in to the driveway. I got out, told him the story, and my eyes filled with tears.
Like any mother-daughter relationship, Sam will, without a doubt, hurt me many times over. I think about all the times I hurt my mother while growing up. I never understood that kind of hurt before. I sure do now.
As a noun, pact means:
agreement, mutual understanding (often written)
The only written communication Samarah and I currently need is the daily one I write to her via: Love Always, Mama.
Even though Samarah is only 18-months old and has no clue what a PACT is, I so desperately want her to know our PACT.
Our PACT always understands….
“I’m gonna love you forever.” (I tell her it daily.)
I will love you – no matter what. When you make me smile, I will love you. When you break my heart, I will love you.
When you take all the tea out of the cupboards, I will love you. When you scream at me, I will love you.
I am an open door, Samarah, and you can tell me anything. No shame, no fear….anything.
We will not always agree. Agreeing to disagree will be okay.
I see not the way in which you entered the world, but the way in which our world was changed when you arrived in it.
I hold your hand; you hold my heart.
We’ll journey through life together treating people how we want to be treated.
Our PACT, Samarah, means that we will always strive to be the best we can for each other and for the world. And I sure am going to love this journey with you….no matter what.
p.s. This post was inspired by one of my Top 3 products from Natural Products Expo West, PACT Apparel. I am in love with PACT for their superior product + awesomely obsessive passion, “PACT is obsessed with a big idea: super soft organic cotton that makes the world a better place.” The onesie Sam is wearing can be found in their Baby Apparel. I received complimentary product from them, but no compensation or “blog post” swap niceties were mandatory. I wrote this because it was on my mind, because the product is incredible and because, let’s be honest….Sam is absolutely priceless in the outfit!
p.s.s. They sent me a coral dress that I love. I am getting baptized, and have decided to make it my Easter + Baptism dress. Stay tuned – you may see me in it (yes, sans big sweatshirt)!